Samuel Bird

Awakening, and an Experiment

Yesterday, I put down the Glass Bead Game (GBG) by Herman Hesse. An English translation of course, my German does not suffice (who even knows if Spielloch makes sense), though I will give you Das Glasperlenspiel on the house.

One of the central themes as I read it was Awakening. This struck a chord somewhere deep inside of me (which I suspect may be precisely the point) and left me in a contemplative mood.

First, a little bit of background. I highly recommend actually reading the book, it’s probably the best book I’ve read in a while. The subject of the fictional biography is Joseph Knecht, later Magister Ludi and Head Huncho of the Glass Bead Game department within The Order (the government of a Castalia, which is essentially the Ivory Tower if it was a country). Putting aside the undercurrent of conflict between the messy outside world of politics, business, commodities, war, and family, and the internal world of pure intellectual pursuit and meditation, Knecht undergoes (according to his fictional biographer) multiple periods of awakening. Arguably his life is one continuous Awakening, from the time he enters the elite school Escholz until his death outside of The Order.

Knecht’s personal writings, a collection of poems written during his student years and three Lives written during his periods of free study, go deeper into the types of Awakening that he perceives (apparently the three lives combine with Knechts story to describe the four basic psychic functions of Carl Jung’s analytical psychology - thinking, sensation, feeling, and intuition in that order but I’m not sure I actually know what that means). ‘Lives’ here refers to short biographies written about past incarnations of oneself that lived in different eras and cultures, an exercise in projecting oneself into different worldviews and mindsets. I actually recommend trying this exercise out.

That’s all for Joe. Out of the tangential frying pan, and into the tangential fire.

This concept of Awakening, at least as I perceived it in GBG, reminded me so much of something I’ve written about before in my private writings (that are far too rambling to see the light of day, or even the moon for that matter). In the past I have referred to it as periods of change.

They’re a common experience. The first big one we’re conscious of might be the development of our personalities as teenagers, but other notable periods of change during our mid 20s or when we reach mid-life have also entered the public consciousness. While periods of change are a common experience, I’m unsure how widespread are periods of change that feel strongly like Awakening. I for one am aware of periods of change in my life that didn’t feel like Awakening, but I’m also aware of certain periods of life (however brief) that felt a hell of a lot like Awakening: opening my eyes to some piece of the puzzle which was there all along and just had to be Noticed.

The rate at which I experience such Awakenings has increased in recent years. Part of that is just me becoming more self-aware and better at noticing such Awakenings for what they are. Part of it is me consciously taking steps to improve my life. Certainly I experienced quite a few profound Awakenings during my teenage years, but I wasn’t self-aware to note them down at the time (I was rather too busy being carried along by the relentless torrent of said Awakenings) and now my memory is perhaps too distorted by hindsight to comment meaningfully on my suspicions. During the more sluggish years of my life, I definitely didn’t note so many Awakenings.

I am immensely grateful for each such Awakening I’ve experienced, but also for the knowledge that Awakenings are possible. They are out there, just waiting to happen! It is a remarkable thing when our consciousness undergoes a phase transition of sorts. In fact, I find the act of Awakening intrinsically rewarding. They are exciting and bring me great joy and I will pursue them if only for that reason. Sometimes it can feel like escaping a suboptimal local minima, or noticing a habit (even something simple, like not trying out that new pie shop which it turns out makes delicious pies that completely change your outlook on life) that was making life unnecessarily difficult but that we were blind to.

Letting go of vices can be a way to trigger Awakenings of the latter type. My most notable Awakening in recent years took place right after I let go of a vice. I very quickly noticed that my mental clarity increased significantly, my energy levels rose, and certain self-inflicted problems simply vanished. Vices come in varied shape, and of course not all vices can be easily given up, but often we hold onto small vices that can be given up without too much effort if we actually manage to notice them. Even letting go of one of these small vices can trigger some unforeseen chain of events that leads to an Awakening.

With this in mind, I’m choosing to give up yet another vice and I’m looking forward to studying how it affects me. Consider it an Experiment. You can call me Mr Capybara.

Before I proceed, let me note the value of such Experiments in everyday life. I love them. They help me discover and solve problems through trial and error. I track them carefully and try not to have too many new Experiments on-the-go at any one time. Okay, Noted.

So, what’s the vice? Uber Eats.

I’ve been aware that I order a lot of delivered food for a while, but haven’t considered it an urgent issue. Even now, in my mind, it’s urgency doesn’t come close to that of my research or my intrinsic happiness.

It would offer several advantages though, which are likely to have significant knock-on effects, so I think it’s a prime candidate for an Awakening:

I’ve got a trick to make it relatively easy to give up though. I use AppBlock, in strict mode. I’ve already used this to successfully reduce my daily social media usage to 3x5 minutes a day. Turns out it also works for Uber Eats. Knowing that I’m at my most vulnerable when I’m tired, it’s late, and I need to cook for myself, I’ve also brainstormed and prepared a bunch of ideas for easy Uber Eats replacements, with a focus on convenience over nutrition (eggs on toast, beans on toast, packets of ravioli, a few simple salads).

The experiment is still in very early days (I started two weeks ago, but I was on vacation for a while), but I’ve already noticed a couple of differences. Some direct and some indirect.

Will I wake up? Who can say.

To be updated.